Not really sure why the sadness today, but it is so real, making the day an unproductive one. We had a good day yesterday, actually a very nice fun one. My mom came home with me Saturday evening and spent the next two nights with us. She is easy going and not hard to have around at all. Meeting in the morning, dinner and a lazy afternoon at our house. Late afternoon a mad and chaotic time of getting 9 kids in costumes with some face painting, assuring each one they were simply "the cutest" and were in a vehicle we headed to town for the fun. But today I am overcome with a sadness, not liking the feeling of taking Mom back to her "home" , yet knowing it is the best place for her and us all....the feeling of guilt of not being the caregiver but know that I cannot do it...and still be a good mother to my kids and wife and keeper of the home....I hate this feeling....sorry for the feelings but know this is a real feeling of others but do not like that I feel this way.....today.
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A Possible Contribution
...back in February CVM call and asked to remove dad's watch do to his skin tearing..http://hismineourskjwilliams.blogspot.com/2010/02/loss-of-age.html...I agreed.
In May, a few times I visited Dad wanted one of those things like I had on my wrist....his Alzheimer's state of mind he could not come up with the word 'watch'...so I gave him my watch to wear while we were there it helped alot. (notice the turquoise watch on his right wrist!)At our WalMart I found this watch with a clip, great, we will clip it on his chair, no more skin tears from a watch and he has "one of those things"!!
Doesn't pay to think, it was missing right away...thought to be gone forever....jump forward 5 months, Mom come out of the bedroom this morning with it.....no clue where it came from and I, no clue where it has been....the past while...
This is the watch dad always wore...sent home last winter/spring, put in a safe spot at my house. So when Dad died I thought he should have his watch, no one could say it wasn't a good idea....BUT I couldn't find it, NO WHERE...grrrrrrrr. I had put it away safely for this purpose, RIGHT??? Well, the safe place wasn't so safe, I guess, several weeks later I was cleaning & sorting,
'low and behold' in the bottom of a basket that held magazines I hadn't had time to look at, saving for this winter.....laid dad's watch. It apparently fell off my night stand in there.
So today that watch is keeping perfect time,
and I, not making good use of mine.
A MELANCHOLY DAY
5 comments:
Sending you hugs by the bunches and understanding by the bushels ...
We all have these days. I kinda like them...they make the good days better, and brighter. Take care! hugs~
This brought tears to my eyes in your expression of your day. Hugs for your feelings... melancholy is a good and necessary emotion to have.
I am feeling blue today, also, having to deal with a caregiver that needs to go and can't bring myself to tell her so. Also the guilt of not being able to be the caregiver of my 87 year old mother! I know exactly how you feel. If we were closer I would give you an understandable hug, even though I don't know you!!! Hang in there!
I also understand about misplacing something, it should be right where I put it, even though I don't remember where! Have a good day...love a friend. D
Oh, Aunt Janna, I wish I could give you a hug! Lots of love, K
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